Friends Ruined (DO NOT READ)
by The Whomping Pillow
Summary: The gang's lives get turned upside down as a shocking turn of events affects each and every one of them.


Monica took a shaky breath. She lifted her eyes to look at her soon-to-be ex-husband, seeing his fill with tears. "I'm sorry, Chandler," she told him, although she didn't mean it. She didn't love him anymore, and he just had to accept that. She was in love with someone else.

"It's Joey, isn't it?" Chandler said angrily, his sadness being overtaken by a sudden rage. "You lying, two-faced, good-for-nothing-"

He was cut off as the purple door flung open to show a teary-eyed and wild-haired Rachel, breathing heavily. Monica immediately got to her feet and rushed to her friend's side. "Rachel, what's wrong?" she asked in concern. Rachel looked at her, tears leaking from her beautiful orbs.

"It's Ross," she breathed, barely able to get the words out.

"What? What's wrong?" Monica asked, suddenly worried for her brother's safety. Chandler hurried over, momentarily forgetting that he was losing the love of his life.

Rachel tried to compose herself and failed miserably. "He...he's dead."

Monica and Chandler were shell-shocked. Monica stumbled back into one of the chairs, trying to process what Rachel had just told her. Her brother was dead? How? What could possibly have happened?

As if reading her mind, Chandler asked, "How did this happen? He was fine when I talked to him this morning."

Rachel sighed. "He was at work and..." There was no right way to say this without sounding insane. "He got eaten by a dinosaur."

The complete disbelief was clear on both the Bings' faces. "How could he possibly have been eaten by a dinosaur?" Chandler asked. Rachel shook her head.

"No one knows. I was going to bring him his lunch, since he left it at Joey's, when there was screaming and people ran from the room. When I went in, the only thing left were a few chewed-up limbs and a lot of blood."

It didn't make any sense, but frankly they were in too much grief to try to figure it out. The three friends forgot everything else for the time being and just sat, eventually joined by Joey and Phoebe. But one of them didn't seem as sad as the rest.

* * *

The funeral was long and boring, just like Ross would have wanted. The gang headed back to Central Perk afterwards, needing a sense of normalcy in this time of tragedy. But no one wanted to eat anything, so they just sat there silently. Finally, Phoebe spoke up.

"I have something to confess." All eyes were on her, but no one said a word. "I killed Ross."

There was a long pause before Monica finally responded. "We know." Phoebe looked shocked as the others nodded.

"How? How on earth did you figure that out?" Chandler sighed.

"Because you hated Ross. You told us all how much you hated him, and how you wanted nothing more than to see him get mauled by his stupid dinosaurs. Wasn't hard to figure out."

"So why am I not being arrested?" Phoebe questioned. "Shouldn't I be in jail by now?"

Rachel laughed. "Of course not. We're sad, sure, but we're all actually glad Ross is gone. He kinda sucked." Everyone nodded in agreement, Monica the most enthusiastically. Phoebe grinned at that.

"Awesome. You guys want muffins?"

* * *

Months passed and things hadn't returned to normal, but not because of Ross' death. Monica got the divorce she wanted from Chandler, and he was understandably heartbroken. Trying to find a way to move on, he uprooted himself from god knows what job he had and went to New Jersey. No one had really heard from him since, especially Joey, who he assumed had been cheating with Monica.

Monica, on the other hand, was not in love with Joey. She'd been having an affair alright, but not with her husband's best friend. Instead, it was with Rachel. The others, Joey and Phoebe, had a good laugh about it, saying it was exactly what had happened to Ross, which it kind of was. But they were fully supportive, especially Joey, who often encouraged them to have sex right there on the couch in front of him. Of course, they refused.

Phoebe lived a very normal life after murdering Ross, up until the fateful day that Gunther came knocking on her door. She was surprised to see him, but then was alarmed to learn that he had heard her confession and taped the whole thing. He told her that if Rachel didn't marry him, he would give the tape to the police and get the whole gang arrested as accessories to murder. Not wanting to trap her friend in such a deal, she kidnapped Ben, who she loved like her own son, and fled. She ended up living in New Jersey with Chandler and happily co-parenting Ben together.

Joey's news was the most shocking. After Phoebe left, he decided to confess something to Monica and Rachel. He was gay, and he'd had the most dedicated charade to hide it this entire time. He had been in love with Chandler and had tried to tell him, but Chandler was so clueless he never took the hint. He decided to embrace his new persona and moved to Las Vegas to join Chandler's father's all-male burlesque. And everyone, except Ross, lived happily ever after.

* * *

 **PLEASE NOTE: this is a joke. it is a complete joke do not take this seriously i repeated DO NOT take it srsly thank u and goodnight**


End file.
